I was fairly recently discussing a so-called “relationship problem” that has a young lady.
She’s thirty five years old and though she states that she seriously needed to be married with kids by now, it has not happened.
This relationship goal of hers has been her target to get a dozen years, and every year which “happily ever after” life has eluded her she’s developed increasingly unhappier with the life of her.
She complains that all the single men that she meets come out to be “losers”.
(Another unhappy relationship design of hers is an angry rage pattern of verbal encounter that she explodes into when her expectations aren’t met in a relationship.)
I tried explaining to her that the longer she waits for her life to improve her mental state, the structure of her of unhappiness grows more and more deeply engrained. Which means that she will feel frequently trapped in unhappiness under all circumstances.
She insisted that her unhappiness is an end result of her not being in a loving relationship and she carried on to blame her anger and melancholy on the men who have let the down of her.
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This specific standpoint of hers represents what we can call UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness.
I told her, “While you imagine that the despondency of yours will instantly raise if you can just get a happy marriage, you’d learn very quickly that the anguish of yours and anger returns even in case you did meet up with man of the goals of yours. Why? Because your negative emotional pattern is habitual.”
As long as we create our unhappiness someone else’s responsibility, and blame it on our life conditions, we enhance an unhappy attitude that looks more and more inescapable.
One more factor at play here involves the so-called “losers” she is bringing in.
So long as we remain in a bad emotional state, we seriously can’t attract or even search for good, emotionally healthy individuals to connect with.
We repel psychologically healthy folks on a conscious or subconscious level, as our attitude problem “radiates” and others “pick up on” the bad emotional imbalance we live in.
Do YOU have problems with UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness?
The way out begins as you’re taking responsibility for the emotional reactions of yours and attitudes toward life and toward individuals, instead of regarding the circumstances of yours or maybe another person as responsible for how you feel.
The next task is to examine the attitudes of yours and psychological states until you appreciate specifically how the negativity of yours, not the circumstances of yours, is really all that stands in the way between you and happiness.
The third step is usually to persistently and patiently work on becoming much more aware of the thoughts of yours and the attitudes of yours, which means you are able to practice being somewhat LESS angry and unhappy and free yourself from the habit of unhappiness, little by minor, each day.
As a result, you will find your life to be much more attractive only how it is, you’ll attract “better” men and women into your life, and also you will be psychologically steady and resilient if you do discover a genuine “winner” of a mate for a much healthier, happier marriage.